What’s a tipping point? The moment of critical mass. The threshold. The boiling point. In Malcom Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point, he describes it as the time when an idea, trend or social behavior finally reaches a point where it “tips” and then spreads like wildfire. But when I started to think about it, I realized that this same phenomenon applies to each of us in many areas of our lives.
We have an internal tipping point – almost a “magic moment” where we decide (even sometimes subconsciously) that we need to make a significant change in either our business or personal lives. Sometimes it seems like it’s long overdue. Sometimes the change happens quickly and unexpectedly. But you know as well as I do that it can be really hard to finally make the commitment to change, even when we know it would be better for us. Why is that?
A Personal Example
Last year, I experienced this very thing. For over a year I had been busting my ass – at the advertising agency, with my involvement with a million different young professional activities outside of work – I was spread way too thin, and I knew it. My friends and family knew it. I was stressed out all of the time and was running on empty. Because of my crazy schedule, I couldn’t find the time to work out or cook, so I was getting unhealthy. I wasn’t managing my finances very well (partly because I was making what felt like minimum wage). I never had any time to spend with my family or go out on dates (or let alone have a relationship). I wanted to start a blog, work on some other projects, run a marathon – but there just wasn’t enough time. I was completely drowning. But despite knowing for quite awhile that I needed to make some sort of change in my life, I didn’t for a long time.
The Straws that Broke the Camel’s Back
Long-story-short, the events that led up to my tipping point were a series of things that happened all in the same week:
- Another 80-hour ridiculously stressful work week
- No annual review or raise in pay
- Attended conference where Suze Orman talked about importance of overall life happiness and the management of money
- Turned down two dates, missed my brother’s birthday dinner with the fam and also a best friend’s birthday weekend because of work
- Heart-to-heart with my mom lead to an emotional breakdown
I finally realized, “I can’t live like this anymore!” and decided to stop bitching and do something about it. For me, the actual “tipping point” was realizing that the guilt and regret of not doing something hanging over my head is far worse then just going for it. And then realizing that I can’t change every aspect of my life overnight or all at once. So I prioritized the things I wanted to change and started making them happen. What an amazing feeling!
We’re all works in progress. We each have things we’d like to improve on, change or completely get rid of. It could be a personal or professional relationship. It could be a job. It could be taking control of your weight or learning to manage your finances… But why is it so hard for us to make a change?
What did (or will) it take for you to actually go for it? When does a person finally decide to “cut the fat?” At what point does the momentum for change become unstoppable?
My good friend Matt Cheuvront over at Life Without Pants was able to get 38 bloggers from (literally) around the world sharing their personal stories and perspective on change. I encourage you to check out his free e-book, The Inconvenience of Change.
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Sara I’m so proud of what your doing! This was brilliant and so well composed! “We are all works in Progress.” This article screamed the Sara I know, which I loved. You are such an amazing friend at talking things out in life, and this made your readers really think about things, lord knows I have many things awaiting their tipping points. Your page looks absolutely fantastic and the content has been wonderfull. I’d say it’s a definite success! I love all the billion gazillion different things that make you the amazing person you are. Don’t ever stop.
You are such an amazing and supportive friend, and I’m so very lucky to have you in my life! You know as well as I do that it’s taken time for me to accomplish a lot of these big goals I’ve been talking about for so long. It’s so rewarding to make even small steps towards being your best self, and the best part is being able to go through it all with the best and most loving friends in the world. I can’t wait to see all the unbelievable things your do with your life as well, chica! Love you!!
Sara- another well written blogpost. Thank you. You certainly bravely tackle topics that are compelling if not a little controversial. What is our tipping point? Have you got a week?
It begs the question when do we finally understand that we get no do-overs? That we are already on stage. Act I has begun. Do it right…..do it from the heart…..do it WITH heart. I am constantly in the internal conversation- at times the internal conflict- of how to make my life less complicated. Do I just continue on my stressful road until I experience my personal “tipping point” or should I make pre-emptive if not pro-active moves now? I’m a middle aged woman with my own business……imagine the criticism and collective head shaking if I chose to make a left turn off of me will lit road that lays before me. But don’t we all owe it to ourselves to do what’s best for us? Doesn’t it improve not only our emotional health but our physical health as well? And who,at the end of the day, do we really have to answer to anyway? We all look at our own haggard or content or frustrated or beatific faces in the mirror when all is said and done. And so, maybe waiting for the tipping point turns out to be risky. Maybe we should live our lives less in fear and take what we have left and steer it with both hands on the wheel.
When I read about Matt’s recent loss of a job, I was moved by his positive spin on the whole experience. I think he is looking forward to taking the wheel.
Looking forward to your next post.
Good thoughts here – and I agree with you in that it’s not necessary for us to reach that tipping point each and every time we need to make a change in our lives. I think for me, moving forward, I will proactively make those changes right away if at all possible. I finally realized that it’s better to at least take a chance then to have the guilt of not trying. Because you’re right, that guilt of not being pro-active can start to affect is negatively in other ways, too!
Good luck with taking the next steps! Can’t wait to hear how it goes!
Well said! I think that everyone has the ability to reach a tipping point -and the goal is really being in a position to recognize that. Sometimes we are so far into whatever it is we are doing that we feel we simply CAN’T change. I actually wrote about that earlier today in a post – because I feel a little bit of both right now. I haven’t read The Tipping Point yet but you definitely have inspired me to.
I know some people have that one moment where they hit their breaking point (I think of Tipping point more in the acquiring positive momentum spectrum), but for most of us I think it’s as you illustrated in this post. That is, a series of things that eventually build up to an overwhelming level where we finally come to the realization we have to make a change. For me, living in North Carolina, it was having to pick and choose buddies’ weddings based on whether or not I could find a reasonable flight. Life’s too short for that nonsense. Now I’m back in Texas, and haven’t missed a good friend’s wedding sense. Cheers Sara!
Yes Sara. All I can say is that everyone has those or THAT moment in their life. When everything changes, when suddenly it all makes sense, when it all clicks. I don’t know if we ever talked about it, but I have a pretty amazing video project that will be going live VERY soon…titled “The Epiphany Moment” – I had 30 or so people submit short videos talking about these moments in their own lives….let me just say it is going to be an AWESOME final project – if you shoot me an email about it I’ll send you a sneak peek – going to be great, and will be something that hopefully can continue on and on indefinitely.
Anyways, I didn’t mean to turn this into a “look at me” comment – but I just had to say I agree with you completely here. Great post – love what you are doing here already with your blog. You rock!
This sounds EXACTLY like a certain “Epiphany Moment” project coming up (as you mentioned)…which makes me even MORE excited about that project!!
“But why is it so hard for us to make a change?”
Definitely something I think we all struggle with regularly. I think it’s because we’re naturally creatures of habit. The craziest part is that even those of us that are go-getters, motivated, and dedicated to making things happen have trouble with even the tiniest changes sometimes, because of being used to habits.
Thank you for making me remember that I do have an epiphany moment to contribute to Matt’s project, even though I told him the other day I didn’t yet!
Looking forward to more conversations here…thanks!
Nice post Sara. I’m not sure if I would call 80 hour work weeks with no annual raise a straw, but yes the analogy is correct.
Personally for me, I asked for a change in my job duties because I was completely burned out on what I had been doing and was told to suck it up and keep doing my job because it was my job. I tried for a while but started to get sick and the doctors really couldn’t diagnose it. The light bulb went on when I all of a sudden felt perfect the day before I was going to go on vacation for 3 workdays + weekend and I ended up getting sick the night before the vacation ended immediately after starting to think of work again. At that moment I knew that I had to find a way for this to end.
I also agree with you that the experience opened me up to making sure that I am more proactive about my work and experiences so that hopefully I can know what has to be done before I start getting physically sick.
This guest post by Matt is awesome. I like how he stopped and realized that the life he was living was not the life he really wanted for himself and quickly made changes for the good.
By the way I love the design here, it reminds me of a female Life Without Pants
Hey Tony…not a guest post by me – this is all Sara Davidson here. She gets all the credit. Thanks for the kudos RE: design!
My mistake. I was mistaking when I saw the eBook insert. Great post Sara.