A tragic event happened recently that changed the way I look at life. I’ve felt pretty guilty about not responding to some comments or not posting the Self-Awareness Series I was supposed to have on the blog last week, but I just needed to unplug for little awhile (that happens, right?). A best friend of a good friend of mine passed away. He was involved in an intentional hit-and-run accident at my friend’s house, and the injuries from the incident were so bad that he just couldn’t recover. It’s literally mind-blowing what happened. Although I didn’t know Scott personally, I have a lot of friends who knew him and I continue to hear stories about how great of a guy he was. And it just breaks my heart to think about his friends and family, and what they’re going through.
It might sound kind of silly why it affected me even though I had never met him. I know these unfortunate events happen all the time around the world, but this particular incident just put things into a different perspective for me. Last week I found it particularly frustrating listening to people complain about things in their life they can control. They complain about their job, money, relationship or friends. They have regrets, they hold grudges and talk badly about others. They bitch and moan about the most ridiculous things ever, and never do anything about them. It always drives me crazy, but especially this week I was thinking, really? Really?! You don’t have it that bad and have so much to be thankful for!
Then there are people like my friend who is going through something this terrible and unfortunate, and he’s still positive about life. I will never forget the conversation I had with him when we met up the other day. When I asked him how he was doing, he was (of course) pretty upset and admitted it had been the worst two weeks of his entire life. But what was so heartwarming is that he primarily talked about how lucky he was to have known Scott and how amazing of a person he was. He talked about how it’s a huge reminder that some of the day-to-day things we get stressed out about are so trivial. How it was encouragement for him to never settle in any aspect of his life and to live life to the fullest because he feels so incredibly blessed to have that life to live. Wow. Talk about putting things into perspective.
Life is all about perspective — how we choose to look at everything, whether it’s in our hands or not. Bad things happen to good people all of the time. It’s not fair and we can’t explain why. We can try to make all the right decisions and plan our future, but sometimes things are just out of our control. All we can do is work as hard as we can every single day to try to be the best people we can be and value what we have right in front of us! And when life throws us unexpected curveballs, we have to accept that it’s not our fault and we have a choice to overcome all of the challenges.
I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, but we can we can use those experiences as motivation to make changes in ourselves and the world. We learn to adapt to what life spits out at us and it’s our responsibility to help others who are experiencing the same situations. And for the things in our lives that we can control, there’s no excuse not to change them! But most of all, we need to appreciate the little things we take for granted each and every day and just be thankful to have the opportunity to be here.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle” ~Albert Einstein
Have you experienced anything that has given you a totally new perspective on things? How has it changed you?
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Sara,
I’m so sorry to hear about this tragedy. I can understand how it can impact you so deeply. It was all so senseless and awful.
It does help us put things in perspective. I know that I tend to get stressed out about things that are trivial in comparison. Thanks for sharing this.
One challenge with these situations is that the change in perspective is often somewhat temporary. The shift in perspective usually doesn’t last (or at least gets diluted), whether it is 9/11 or the inspiring story of Randy Pausch. I wish I had an answer for this.
I hear you, Mark. You’re so right, the perspective does seem to fade away in time. I’m interested in finding some ways to carry it on. I was thinking even something as simple as a Gratitude List that I could make at the beginning of each week. Thoughts? Any other ideas?
That’s very true. The sole fact that we wake up every morning is a blessing in itself. I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately, and how fragile life is. My great uncle’s sister, who was in her 40’s and runs marathons recently had a massive stroke. A guy from church who was 32 died suddenly for no apparent reason. The Georgian Olympian who one second was flying down hill having the time of his life, and was dead the next.
Every day we have is a gift from God. We all take it for granted because we think we’re in good health, and young, as I’m sure Scott did.
People need to step back and really be appreciative for the things they have, and the time they’ve had here on Earth.
I also agree that if there’s thing that are controllable in your life that you don’t like, you need to make a change yourself, or stop whining. No one wants to hear how bad you have it.
Nice post.
Amen Mr. Ziegenfuss!
And I’m terribly sorry to hear about the people you knew who passed away.
Even when we choose to look at things differently, it doesn’t make them any easier.
I didn’t know them, and the stroke victim didn’t die. But you still just never know when life could end…or change dramatically.
Your words can’t be said enough, Sara. Focusing on the lives of others in comparison to your own ruins your perspective. Thinking about what you’re doing and how you’re trying to become a better person, is the only way it will actually happen.
As someone who’s gone through a lot (we all have), being positive is the only way to go. Just thinking about one thing in your life that makes you so thankful to be alive, can last for a whole day. I’m of the mind you are what you think, and when you think positive, you are positive.
Thanks so much for your insight, Megan. I completely agree with you and that’s a great idea – to think of one thing we’re thankful for each day. And by having that attitude, we can (hopefully) encourage others to think more positively as well.
Thanks for sharing this experience. I really am sorry to hear about the death – and that you have been having such a hard time
I hope that you continue to share these experiences with your readers – they are great ways of not only getting support, but just of sparking discussions that are really important. I 100% agree that we can use our experiences (destiny or not) to shape our view of what can change IN us and in the world. It’s really empowering when you think of it that way. I hope that you are having an easier week, and thanks for this post.
Thanks so much, Beth, that means a lot. That’s what’s so amazing about blogging, is that we can all share experiences and help each other out. It’s a pretty powerful thing! Thank you for being here and for your thoughts!
Loss of anything or anyone, I believe, makes you look at your life differently too. Loosing my grandmother to cancer made me realize how truly precious life is and how in the end you don’t look back at your life counting the things you’ve acquired or even what you’ve accomplished professionally, but rather the bonds you’ve made and the relationships you’ve formed with people (i.e. family and friends).
Since, I’ve eliminated putting pressure on myself to achieve what she has or get what he has, I’ve been much more happier and fulfilled. =]
I’m very sorry for your loss, Andrea. You are spot on – it is so extremely important to value the genuine relationships you have in your life, above everything. That’s actually what I did last week. I had scheduled time to work on this project, attend this event, write this post, etc. etc. etc., but I just felt like I needed to take some time to reflect on everything. You never know if something crazy could happen, so we really need to cherish what we have each and every day. I know it’s easier said then done, but it’s inspiring to hear stories like yours. Thanks so much for sharing.
First of all, Sara – we talked about this the other day but I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I’ve been there – a few times, losing people I cared about and loved, unexpectedly It makes life seem pretty unfair sometimes – it makes me doubt that everything happens for a reason – but it’s these trying moments in our lives that define who we are – that make us realize what’s more important – that (should) put things into perspective as to what REALLY matters, and what we should stop wasting our time complaining about.
I believe that every single waking moment here is an absolute gift. And it’s that attitude that I put forth in everything I do that has gotten me to where I am today. I also believe that you have to cut out the negativity and stop making time for people who will do nothing but hold you back. Instead, I prefer to surround myself with other forward-thinking inspirational and driven individuals (such as yourself) who are literally sucking the marrow out of life and making the most of every opportunity.
It’s an absolute pleasure knowing you – and it’s been amazing surrounding myself with so much “good” (especially in the past couple years) – it really helps during the times in life that just don’t make sense, when you’re feeling helpless and a little lost.
I don’t know if my comment made much sense. But thanks for this post. We all need this reminder – hopefully others will take it to heart, I know I have.
Awww I feel the same way about you too sir!
You totally made sense and you’re absolutely right. Part of what I hoped people would get out of this post is that all the crap we complain about every day is really, REALLY not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately, many of us don’t have a choice in who we’re surrounded by at our jobs, clubs/organizations, etc., and we can’t control the their attitudes or how they act. But what we can do is lead by example. This incident just made me realize that my time living each day is wayyyy better spent being grateful, productive, genuine… and it made me really evaluate myself – in how I react to things, how I express myself – but more importantly, how I choose to look at certain situations. I think we can all just take a step back and realize how lucky we are to even have the opportunity to have that choice.
Sara,
What I took away from this post is how important gratitude really is. Being grateful that we have an opportunity to create an awesome life for ourselves, if we just get out of our own way and do it. Taking action and reaching for our dreams while we still have the chance.
I think Mark hit the nail on the head with his comment. It seems we are more likely to take a step back, be more grateful, and put things into their proper perspective after an event like 9/11, the Haiti earthquake, a death, etc. The problem is maintaining that perspective. Personally, to try to keep my perspective, I have a sign on the wall of my bedroom that reads “What Can I Be Grateful For Today?”.
-Chris
More like, “What can I be grateful for? Today!”
Love, love, LOVE it. Seriously. I’m going to do it!
I think a huge part of it is also having the courage to remind other people of that very same thing. In some situations, the bitching can almost be contagious (and extremely poisoning) and there’s a fear of almost being an outcast for saying something about it.
But I did it the other day (very nicely, of course) and it’s almost like a lightbulb went off in their heads. And it’s been better ever since.
Hi Sarah,
I don’t think it is at all weird that this affected you even though you didn’t know Scott. Of course it affected you was my immediate reply. It is so nice to hear about somebody who can learn from this type of tragedy as opposed to being extremely negative about it.
As much as blogging is a huge part of my life, it is necessary to unplug and reconnect in different ways (or sometimes take time for yourself). Good for you for recognizing when that is.
As for your question: My divorce has given me a whole new perspective on life, relationships and people. Before I left my husband I was miserable, grouchy and not being the woman I am supposed to be. Now, things are very different. Despite a lot of difficult challenges in my life, I really believe that they are making me a much stronger and more well rounded individual. I rediscovered the muscle of forgiveness and love and am flexing them more often.
Likewise, (and I know you disagree
) I do believe that things happen for a reason. I don’t think that the result of specific outcomes are immediate and they can take years to recognize. But if we open our eyes to each experience, good or bad, we can see what it is to learn from those situations. I am thankful for my marriage and my divorce. They have taught me so much and my perspective now makes me a much healthier person–and a healthier partner for someone in the future.
Sending you some love and support from TO.
~ Chiara
Chiara – thanks so much for sharing your story, I’m so glad that you made the decision to get out of that relationship and came out of it with this great new perspective. It’s imperative that we choose not to dwell on unfortunate things that have happened, and instead learn from them, in order for us to move forward in our lives and move on to bigger and better things. Sounds like you’re right on track – can’t wait to hear what else is in store for you!
You got it. Life is all about perspective. Sorry to hear about the loss. Texting you right now.
Sara, I’m very sorry for the loss. This post–even though you didn’t know him–is a beautiful tribute to his life. It really is.
What an amazing perspective your friend has…whose perspective has clearly affected you. In turn, you’ve shared beautiful, inspired words.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for being here, girlie – means a lot!
Sorry about your friend Sara. I think life is about how you look at things. Bad things happen all the time, but its up to you how you want to accept it. Its very important to appreciate the little things in life because you never know when something out of your control will happen. Thanks for this post and reminding me to appreciate the small things.
Thanks so much, Tony!
Hi Sara,
Peaceful thoughts for Scott and his loved ones.
I have cystic fibrosis. Here’s a link for more info about:
http://www.cff.org/AboutCF/
I’ve lost my sister and many friends because it destroyed their bodies…but not their spirits. Everyone has the ability to do the best they can with what they’ve got. I can’t control what happens to me, but I can control my reaction to it. The sadness and the joy that has shaped my life has made me the man I am today.
Thanks for writing this post. It’s a great outlook to have. I know from experience.
Peaceful and Positive Things,
Josh